Boys

In helping Isaac and Seth to adjust to all the changes in their lives in the past months, I checked out the book Raising Cain: Proctecting the emotional life of boys. I know a lot is going on within them that they don’t know how to express or are choosing not to express. Here are a few notes I took from the book.

1. Give boys permission to have an internal life, approval for the full range of human emotions, and help in developing an emotional vocabulary so they can better understand themselves and communicate with others. Create space in life for sharing to happen…at bedtime, while driving, being outside together. Share moral dilemmas with them and talk about your own inner life with them.
   

2. Recognize and accept the high activity level of boys and give them safe places to express it. A Montessori school in Minneapolis allowed children to go into a designated space in the hallway to jump rope whenever they got restless. Wouldn’t that be great?
   

3. Talk to boys in a way that honors their pride and masculinity. Use them as consultants and problem solvers. Ask “How do you suggest we deal with this?” or “I would have felt frightened if it were me.” Ask how he thinks his friends feel about something.

4. Teach boys that emotional courage is courage, and that empathy and courage are the sources of real strength in life. Find models of moral and emotional courage and talk about them, both from history and in real life. Give them opportunities to experience empathy.
   

5. Use discipline to build character and conscience, not enemies. Guide rather than punish.
   

6. Model a manhood of emotional attachment.
   

7. Teach boys that there are many ways to be a man.